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Thursday, July 22, 2004

If Bulwer-Lytton Had A Helpful Hints Category

Nursing moms' late day, double helpings of halvah result in the lactic equivalent of Jolt for babies (did you know there was a gum?), a night of bad (Haunted Mansion; ouch) pay-per-view, a desire to strangle the marketer who first justified a $2-$5 expenditure because it cost "no more than your morning latte," and no reduction whatever in the volume of grandedecafezvanillanonfatdrycaps thereafter to be consumed.

By the way: they tell you to keep breastfeeding for at least a year. They don't tell you what to do about the teeth. (And don't say: Suck it up.)

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